Dad

 Today is May 2, 2012 my father passed away on March 27, 2012.  I think I am ready to write my experience down. About four weeks before he died he started getting a cough. He thought it was just a bad cold at first. It got worse, he then thought  it was a bad case of bronchitis.  He struggled with this cough and difficulty breathing for a few weeks before he decided to finally go to the ER.  He was working in North Dakota at the time about a half hour away from my mom.  My dad was a healthy guy up until this point.  We still don't know if there were other symptoms that he was ignoring up until this point.  In the ER they gave him X-rays and other tests showing that his lungs were abnormal, showing that he either had blood clots in his lungs or lung disease. They wanted him to do more tests.  He didn't want to do anymore tests.  He wanted to get home from North Dakota and "rest"!  My mom drove them home in there Expedition from North Dakota.  It took them about three days with stopping in Idaho for the night. He was having a really hard time breathing during this trip.  My  siblings and I were calling non stop bugging them to get back to the hospital. We were extremely worried, thinking if these are blood clots they could release at anytime and kill him.  I was a nervous wreck that day about my dad. My mom stopped answering her phone because she didn't want to argue with us or him anymore about going back to the hospital.  He was in bad shape!
     They got home and he rested a day before I went to see him.  I chatted with him in his room for about a half hour.  He was struggling to breath a little bit but could talk with me.  We caught up about what I had been up to and also about his job in North Dakota.  I was a little relieved after I left his room and I called my sister in Tennessee and told her that he was doing better and not to worry.  Little did I know what was really going on or what we would soon find out.
A couple days past and he wasn't getting any better.  Still struggling to breath and as a result of that not being able to lay down or sleep at all!  We still were really trying to push him to go back into the hospital. I think three or four days after he came home for North Dakota we finally convinced him to go back to the ER. The original ER Dr. gave them a letter. A letter that they hadn't read yet.  This letter basically said that the Dr. was washing his hands of the situation because it was very serious and could be fatal, and that he had recommended more tests that the patient refused. Aaron was in Georgia training for work and feeling really helpless.  He called Spencer to get over there and make him go to the Dr.  Spence stopped by as much as he could to check on him.  He also tried to get him to go.  Thats when my mom showed him the letter.  It still hadn't been read. Spence read it and called Aaron to make up a plan to get him to the hospital (stubborn man!).
     Long story short he did end up going. That night was when he went into the ER.  I remember the night like it was yesterday it was a Thursday night.  My oldest brother Jared called me and told me that they had done more tests and found blood clots in his lungs and not only that but cancer lesions on his liver and lymphoid, he said be strong for mom and not to lose it.  At this point we still were hopeful that he would be fine.  I went to the ER.  My parents bishopric was there giving him a blessing.  I was a little panicy not knowing how to feel or react.  I sat there with my parents alone for over an hour.  My dad was light hearted and joked that he had led a good life.  He and my mom looked in each others eyes and talked about a few things (as if they were the only two in the room), trying to be strong and yet I could see the fear in both of there eyes.  We didn't even know the extent of it all.
The next day we sat around waiting for the updates.  Jared and Melissa came in town that night I believe and were staying at the Marriot hotel.  Melissa and I took the kids swimming at the hotel pool when we got the text from Jared saying to gather everyone up in the same place so that he could tell us something. I started to panic a little.  Calling my sisters to get here quick, my hands were shaking and I was breathing quickly. Within a half hour we all gathered in my brothers hotel room.  We speaker phoned Rachael who was still in Tennessee at the time. Jared then broke the news that my Dad had stage four esophageal cancer, inoperable, and had 4 to 6 months to live. We hugged and cried a lot.  We were so blessed to have each other during this time.  We left the kids with someone and went to the hospital to see him. This is the picture I took of him with my phone while we were sitting there talking.

 This was the last day that my dad could speak and act normally, I will always remember this day. He quoted a movie called the 13th Warrior in the accent, I cried. That is how I remember my dad always quoting movies in accents.  This is the quote "

We were strengthened by this experience.  I felt the Lord strengthen me everyday. 

After we found out what we were dealing with, my Dad stayed in the hospital a few more days to get the clots under control.  Then he came home.  We then tried to figure out how and what we were going to do in his final months of life.  We had plans to get family pictures done and go to the temple together.  We desperately wanted to record him giving his testimony and saying something to us.  We also wanted to record him reading the Christmas story, as he did every year on Christmas Eve. So that we could continue the tradition. We tried to grasp the concept that we wouldn't share another Chirstmas or Thanksgiving with him.  He did mention that he was sad he wouldn't make it to the election  ( he was obsessed with politics and was very anxious to see Obama get replaced With Mitt Romney!).

The following days after he returned from the hospital were miserable to say the least for him.  He couldn't breath.  He couldn't lay down. He could not sleep. My mom didn't sleep either.  She stayed up with him getting everything he needed.  They gave him sleeping meds but didn't work, just made him crazy.  He hated the feeling of being on meds.  Pain meds and sleeping meds gave him a ton of anxiety. He hated the feeling of them.  Needless to say he was suffering and I say, he was being tortured by this.  He would sit up day and night.  Dose off and wake a few minutes later with a gasp of air asking "how long was that".  It was torture!  Less than a week after he came home from the hospital my mom took him back in.  He was still struggling so much to breath.  We got the call to come to the ER.  I left the kids and headed to the hospital.
      Earlier that day I had gone over to my parents house to visit or help mom with whatever.  I begged her to let me sit in there with him. I promised I wouldn't talk or try to visit with him.  I knew that he was so exhausted and not himself because of the meds and no sleep.  It was so draining for him to have to try to talk to anyone.  I sat in a chair across the bed were he was also sitting in a chair.  I just watched him and visited quietly with my mom for awhile. It broke my heart to see him that way, struggling to breath and so uncomfortable, I held back my tears and acted normal.  He then asked if we would go out of the room to visit.  As I was leaving I said "I love you Dad" and with all his strength he said slowly back "I love you", I smiled at him, as I left the room I broke down in tears. I hated to see him like that!  That was the last thing he said to me. 
    Spencer was working so he met us there a little later.  Not knowing what to expect they directed us to the council room.  There sat my mom, sisters, brother Aaron, Grandma Lynch, and Uncle David.  They had flown in a couple days before just to visit my dad.
They told us that they had to sedate him and put a breathing tube in him.  He could no longer breath on his own. We sat there an hour or so waiting for more results from the tests.  We took turns going back to the room to see him.  He was laying down flat with a huge tube down his throat and sedated.  I was glad that he was finally able to lay down and rest.  Becky and I went back.  We sat there and held his hand and cried.  When we came back to the room my mom took a turn to go see him by herself.  About 15 minutes later she came back very distraught.  Telling us the news that she had just heard that my father would never be able to breath on his own again.  His lungs were completely filled with fluid.  They didn't know if it was caused by the cancer spreading or , pneumonia or something else.
They moved him to ICU.  We gathered in the waiting room.  All six of us our spouses, my mom, Grandma and Uncle David. We were there for hours and hours taking turns visiting him in his room.  We cried and we prayed.  We then had to make the final decision to "pull the plug", so to speak.  We said a prayer and then went around the room to see what everyone thought.  All of us agreed it was the right thing to do.  We told the nurse our decision.  Then we waited....we talked about fun memories we had with our Dad while holding each other.  My eyes were burning from exhaustion and from crying, it was 3am.

      The nurse came in and told us the tubes were out.  We went into the room and surrounded his bed, we held his hand, his leg or whatever we could reach just to touch him.  We took turns whispering our goodbyes in his ear, he was sedated but he could hear us.  The nurses told us it could take up to a couple hours for him to pass.  He gasped for air a couple times and then was rested, still sedated, he felt no pain.  We all sang hymns and his favorite primary songs.  Songs we had sung for years in our home and for  family night.  The first one was "Families Can Be Together Forever".  We sang while we cried.  I prayed that the Lord would take him quickly.  Charity and I sang the duet "How great Shall Be Your Joy".  One of his favorites that we sung.  This was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life.  The spirit was so strong.  I knew that it was his time.  What a beautiful and peaceful way to die, surrounded by your loved ones.  Even though we were all crying the music sounded so beautiful! It was almost angelic as if the angels were singing with us. My prayers were answered, he passed about 35 minutes later.

He was honored for his military at the grave site!

Best Friends and Soul mates Forever!

The front and back of the program for the funeral.

The funeral was beautiful! So many people came and supported us and honored Dad.  Tons of flowers and donations were made.  Jared gave the eulogy,  Rachael spoke, Aaron spoke, all the kids sang, Charity and I sang "How Great Shall Be Your Joy", and Becky and Nolan sang "A Childs Prayer". It was positive and a celebration of his life and what he taught us.  We all wore yellow in honor of him.  He loved yellow, he wore yellow everything and even had a yellow cobra mustang.  The flowers were mostly yellow and all the ribbons and table cloths were yellow.
         We literally felt the prayers of so many.  Our hearts and minds were comforted tremendously during this very sad experience.  We can all testify of that!

In the mortuary when Rachael, Mom and I went to approve the body.  He looked very handsome and much like himself which was comforting!

The day after the funeral.  We went to get some of the flowers left at the grave site that were put on his grave.

The flag that was on his coffin and was presented to my mom at the grave site. We will get it framed for her. Also some of the flowers from the grave.

I put this on Facebook during one of the hard days. I had so much support from people from Facebook and in my ward.  We were all overwhelmed by the love from our friends and neighbors!

I love this picture.  Weird to think this will be the last Christmas we spend with our Dad.  Only a couple months ago he was fine! I will miss him very much! I love you Dad!!

He died in one week from his diagnosis.  We believe it was the miracle we had been praying for. He didn't have to suffer very long.  It was his time, the Lord needed him.  We have had several spiritual experiences testifying this to us.  We are stronger because of this, we know we will see him again.  We love him and are grateful for the years we got with him.  What I wanted to tell him before he died but didn't get the chance was;   Thank you for being a great father to us.  For teaching us the gospel and never giving up on us.  For getting us to the Temple and on missions.  He loved us so much and would have done anything to keep us on the straight and narrow.  He knew what was important in life and he lived by that, he was a great example to us of a great leader in the church!  I will miss him greatly.

I'll see you soon Dad!